Tuesday, March 4, 2014

I've got a Golden Ticket!

15 minutes

I am beyond excited. Four computers are lined up side by side, each with the online store already pulled up and ready to go. Fast internet connection, check. Phone and tablet for back-up, check. This is going to be great. Even my girlfriend is getting in on the fun and going to help me secure a pair of tickets to the greatest beer release in all the land.

12 minutes

O boy, o boy, O BOY! I’ve waited for this all year. One of my favorite days of the year. I’ve already booked my hotel well ahead of time. Seeing as there is no chance that I won’t secure a pair of tickets, it made sense. I plan on getting drunk. Blacked out drunk on all of the awesome beers that will be available. Stouts. And IPAs. And...and...other stuff. Woo!

10 minutes

I should probably open a beer for this. Celebrate getting tickets to one of the most sought after events in the craft beer community. Maybe something from the brewery that is hosting the event. Support the place that is going through all of this trouble for a fan-hyped beer release. Maybe I’ll even have one of the special beers from last year...that would be perfect!

7 minutes

Almost time! I better refresh really quick just to make sure they haven’t gone on sale early. Should I? Yea, let’s do it! 


Nope nothing yet. 

5 minutes

I have my whole day planned out. I’m going to get there before everyone else. Really, really early in the morning, maybe even the night before. Right when we get there I’ll open up my 13% bourbon barrel aged imperial stout. Some sours after that, followed by some hops. I should probably bring some water too, or maybe a couple of beers with a lower percentage of alcohol so I don’t end up passed out in the grass at 11 am. This festival does last the whole day. Screw it. Go big or go home, right?!

2 minutes

I’m starting to get a little nervous. What happens if I don’t get tickets? No way. Of course I’ll get tickets. I’m a diehard fan. They owe me. I’ve been drinking their beer for like...2 years. I’ve given all of their beers good reviews on beer websites and even bought a shirt and had it mailed to me. They should be begging me to go with all that I have done for them.

0 minutes.

REFRESH! Computer one. Computer two. Jen, did you refresh your computers?! Get with it!

Why are my computers going so slow?! WHY?! Go faster! Stop spinning, you stupid ball, and load the page!



Come on, come on, COME ON! 

Page cannot be refreshed. SHIT!

Wait! Jen is in! Rare beer release here we come! 

Session 1 is sold out. Please choose another session. Huh, already?! 

Session 2 is sold out. Please choose another session. You have got to be kidding me!!

Session 3 is sold out. Sorry!

WHAT THE FUCK?! How can all of tickets already be sold out?! It has been like two minutes! Quick, check Facebook. People always start to post on Facebook and complain when tickets are sold out.

I can’t believe I didn’t get any tickets! This is bullshit! I’m like this brewery’s biggest fan, been supporting them for years and this is how they repay me? I’m going to post something angry on Twitter. Better yet, I’ll go to the brewery’s Facebook page and post something mean and passive aggressive. I’ll also go on the beer forums and complain about how all of these fair weather, trendy craft beer fans stole all of the tickets.

I may even write a strongly-worded letter to the owner himself!

I can’t believe this shit.  How can this brewery treat their fans like this? How can they make their tickets available online to everyone in what is probably the fairest way possible but not save a pair of tickets to a sort-of local mildly hardcore craft beer drinker who has been drinking their beer for 2 years!


I’m done. Never going to drink their beer again. How dare they brew a beer that everyone wants and then try to please the most amount of people possible and spread around the love as much as they can. 


Screw it.

I’m too good for their beer anyway.