Beer Snob of the Week - Dark Lord Day

A new weekly (or biweekly) feature on Garde My Biere!

In case you missed it (I know you didn't...), Dark Lord Day tickets went on sale on Monday. I tried to get tickets, but I didn't.

[INSERT RANT HERE!]

After the dust settled and I was left ticketless, the world didn't end. It continued to chug along. The sun still set and it still rose the next day. My glass was still half full even though I finished half of it.

But for some people, the apocalypse came in the early afternoon on Monday, March 17th. But why? It is JUST BEER! There is plenty more of it in the fermenter, on the store shelves, in the keg and in my fridge. Wonderful, excellent beer that we could drink instead of complaining.

Which brings us to my favorite part about Dark Lord Day: the reading material. Every single year I visit Twitter or Facebook after the tickets sell out to read the absolutely amazing rants people leave. It's the highlight of my day.

This year it was a little different. Let's first acknowledge the elephant in the room: the queue for the tickets started before noon (my friend texted me at 11:45a telling me to get on the site immediately). A lot of the Facebook and Twitter rants were about this. I will admit that this SEEMED to be unfair, but I don't know what really happened to allow that and I probably never will.

But what I do know is that there still were a lot of comments laced with beer snobbery. My favorite was this one:

"Another year, another botched ticket sale event. Why do I even try anymore? DLD is just a shitty money grab revolved around an artificially scarce, over-hyped beer. Sadly, it will never improve as long as they keep selling out and 3F makes money hand over fist.

Every year the event gets more popular. Every year more people come in from out of town. Every year, the locals and regulars that support 3Floyds year round get screwed out of attending. They don't care that their botched system screwed you out of a ticket. They don't care who does or doesn't get tickets as long as that person brings them money. They just care about making as much money as possible on DLD."

3Floyds does care, my friend. If you haven't noticed, in the past few years Dark Lord Day has gotten better. A LOT BETTER! Even the ticket buying process has gotten a lot better. If you take away the unfortunate early queue, this year was the best year for buying tickets online. If the early queue gets fixed, we may have a winner.

3Floyds has also gone to great lengths in recent years to ensure that the DLD experience improves. Last year they greatly expanded on the festival grounds, the amount of Porta Potties, the guest draft list, the actual 3Floyds draft list, and the amount of seating available. 2013 was the best DLD day that I have been too. (In case you are wondering, I have gone the past three years.)

They even print your name on the ticket now to help prevent ticket scalping!!

Yet, we still complain. Would you still be complaining if you were one of the people that hit "refresh" and ended up in the queue?

Probably not.

Stop blaming 3Floyds and start blaming yourself.

We created this monster.

They did not.

Do You Realize What You've Done?!?!

When has it gone too far?

Hunahpu Day 2014: an event that was supposed to be a celebration. It was held every single year for the past few years and was seen as a culmination for not only the brewery but also for craft beer fans alike. An event to celebrate where we have come, what beer is and what beer can be. A place to share, to discuss, to laugh and to create lifelong memories never to be forgotten.

All gone.

Ticket scammers can really ruin it for the rest of us.

Is it possible all of this has gone too far?

Waiting in line for a beer release, a man walks up and down the line with a bottle in his hand. He doesn’t say a word but everyone in line knows what he is doing. Someone approaches him and they talk briefly for a moment. The man hands over that bottle and in return accepts his bounty. A transaction just took place and the seller pocketed more than three times what he originally paid for that bottle.

I'll sell these to you...

When will we start to believe that it has gone too far?

Go to Craigslist right now. Type in “Dark Lord” “Bourbon County” “Rare beer”. Click on one of the ads. Do you believe that some people will actually pay those prices and that mark-up?

Now, do you believe that this is what the brewery and the people who worked incredibly hard to make this beer would want?

Reasonably priced?

Whatever happened to predictability? The milk man, the paper boy, evening T.V.

Tickets sell out for a beer event in less than two minutes. Instead of blaming the rising popularity of craft beer, we slander the brewery and automatically assume it is doing something wrong. Drag its name into the mud instead of learning about the simple laws of economics like supply and demand.

Beer experts are now everywhere. Experts who will completely destroy a beer for what it is, yet admit that they just “don’t like that style.” Beer experts who will drink their weight in whatever is fashionable but never bother to open a book to educate themselves on what they are drinking.

The internet has become a veil to hide behind. An online forum that was meant to be a place where like-minded individuals could come to share their passion is often a place where people will call out, unjustly criticize and be downright rude to other beer drinkers and breweries. 

(Beer forums are sadly not the only sites that fall victim to this. Check out the comment sections on YouTube sometime. What is the point of all of the arguing?)

Craft beer is mainstream now. It is in movies, on the subway, on television and dominates the liquor store’s beer aisles. In Chicago, I can go to almost any bar in the city and guarantee that I can find something that we label “craft” available.

But at some point we need to stop, look at ourselves and ask ourselves one simple question:

Are we helping or are we hurting craft beer?

I've got a Golden Ticket!

15 minutes

I am beyond excited. Four computers are lined up side by side, each with the online store already pulled up and ready to go. Fast internet connection, check. Phone and tablet for back-up, check. This is going to be great. Even my girlfriend is getting in on the fun and going to help me secure a pair of tickets to the greatest beer release in all the land.

12 minutes

O boy, o boy, O BOY! I’ve waited for this all year. One of my favorite days of the year. I’ve already booked my hotel well ahead of time. Seeing as there is no chance that I won’t secure a pair of tickets, it made sense. I plan on getting drunk. Blacked out drunk on all of the awesome beers that will be available. Stouts. And IPAs. And...and...other stuff. Woo!

10 minutes

I should probably open a beer for this. Celebrate getting tickets to one of the most sought after events in the craft beer community. Maybe something from the brewery that is hosting the event. Support the place that is going through all of this trouble for a fan-hyped beer release. Maybe I’ll even have one of the special beers from last year...that would be perfect!

7 minutes

Almost time! I better refresh really quick just to make sure they haven’t gone on sale early. Should I? Yea, let’s do it! 

........

Nope nothing yet. 

5 minutes

I have my whole day planned out. I’m going to get there before everyone else. Really, really early in the morning, maybe even the night before. Right when we get there I’ll open up my 13% bourbon barrel aged imperial stout. Some sours after that, followed by some hops. I should probably bring some water too, or maybe a couple of beers with a lower percentage of alcohol so I don’t end up passed out in the grass at 11 am. This festival does last the whole day. Screw it. Go big or go home, right?!

2 minutes

I’m starting to get a little nervous. What happens if I don’t get tickets? No way. Of course I’ll get tickets. I’m a diehard fan. They owe me. I’ve been drinking their beer for like...2 years. I’ve given all of their beers good reviews on beer websites and even bought a shirt and had it mailed to me. They should be begging me to go with all that I have done for them.

0 minutes.

REFRESH! Computer one. Computer two. Jen, did you refresh your computers?! Get with it!

Why are my computers going so slow?! WHY?! Go faster! Stop spinning, you stupid ball, and load the page!

Hurry!!

Error 404. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Come on, come on, COME ON! 

Page cannot be refreshed. SHIT!

Wait! Jen is in! Rare beer release here we come! 

Session 1 is sold out. Please choose another session. Huh, already?! 

Session 2 is sold out. Please choose another session. You have got to be kidding me!!

Session 3 is sold out. Sorry!

WHAT THE FUCK?! How can all of tickets already be sold out?! It has been like two minutes! Quick, check Facebook. People always start to post on Facebook and complain when tickets are sold out.

I can’t believe I didn’t get any tickets! This is bullshit! I’m like this brewery’s biggest fan, been supporting them for years and this is how they repay me? I’m going to post something angry on Twitter. Better yet, I’ll go to the brewery’s Facebook page and post something mean and passive aggressive. I’ll also go on the beer forums and complain about how all of these fair weather, trendy craft beer fans stole all of the tickets.

I may even write a strongly-worded letter to the owner himself!

I can’t believe this shit.  How can this brewery treat their fans like this? How can they make their tickets available online to everyone in what is probably the fairest way possible but not save a pair of tickets to a sort-of local mildly hardcore craft beer drinker who has been drinking their beer for 2 years!

THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY!

I’m done. Never going to drink their beer again. How dare they brew a beer that everyone wants and then try to please the most amount of people possible and spread around the love as much as they can. 

THEY DIDN’T CATER SPECIFICALLY TO ME!

Screw it.

I’m too good for their beer anyway.

Does this Shirt Make my Ego Look Big?

It’s the last Saturday in May, and the event all of us have been waiting for is here. I’ve been hoarding all year for this, waiting in anticipation.

The bottles are already selected. A super rare, uber sour from that new experimental brewery out West. A triple bourbon aged high gravity bomb. A growler of a quadrupel imperial IPA with IBUs off the scale. Plus a couple of selections from that brewery out East who only releases beers in small batches out of their garage. 

Hotel room booked. Wallet full for the cash-only purchases. Small glass tulip cleaned and ready to hang around my neck. 

But what should I wear?

Tough call. 

I could wear a shirt from the brewery hosting the beer event to show them my support. After all, that is why we are here, right? To support the brewery. Not to get super rare, hyped-up beers to trade away to people we have never met. Right?

Too cliche. I know, I’ll wear a button down work shirt from that brewery out West. People will think that I work for them - it will be awesome. No, better not. That brewery has gone a little mainstream and isn’t “craft” enough. I’m not sure I want to be associated with that.

What about a T-shirt from the greatest lambic brewery in the world? 

“Yea, I’ve been there. No big deal. Drank a gueuze with the owner and purchased some rare, impossible-to-get beers. I don’t have any with me but I’m currently aging some in my cellar (*cough* closet).”

A bunch of people are probably going to be wearing shirts from there. I won’t stand out enough if I wear that. 

Last summer I went on a road trip around the east coast. Along the way I stopped at a couple of brewpubs that don’t distribute their beer. I could wear a shirt from one of those breweries. No one will even know what I’m wearing, it’ll be like wearing an unknown indie band’s shirt. People will come up to me and ask about the shirt. I could then tell them about my trip there and about how I travel for my beer instead of trade.

I’ll probably come off as a tool if I do that... 

I could go the “other” way. Wear an ironic shirt from a mainstream lager producer. Instead of going the way that everyone else is and trying to impress, I’ll go for a laugh. “Lite Lager? My dad drinks that. Good one, dude.”

I’m sure someone else will already be doing that. We all know that there is always THAT guy at a beer festival.

Why is this so hard?! It’s just a shirt. I wear those every single day. Why do I even care about what these people think of me?! Shouldn’t I be caring more about the beer and not about what people think of me?

You know what? People probably won’t even care about what I’m wearing. Just as long as I share some extreme, uncommon beers and talk about all of the awesome “whales” I’ve scored.

As long as I do that, people will like me.